Looking for something relatable to discuss on that first date? How about a universal truth: Here, a few members share both their bad and good dating experiences so you can learn from them. Just like that popular dating service, it is just lunch. After the first day or two of chatting, go have lunch.
Dating and living with HIV
Your post or ad has spoken. Have a conversation—have several conversations—and exchange emails. Listen to the other person. Read what he has written. Dating is not a monologue.
There are no bad dates. Even an apparent disaster, a bar encounter at which the other person succeeds in quickly getting drunk, for example, can be useful. You will stick to having a cup of coffee by meeting at a cafe next time. Know yourself before you start.
Keep the two separate. If you live in a small town in a small state, what percentage of men are gay? What percentage of those gay men are positive or open to dating someone who is positive? If you limit yourself to finding someone around the block, you may have created an insurmountable challenge.
The reality is that he could be anywhere, could live anywhere. He might, or might not, live across the country. He might, or might not, use a dating site, a dating company, have, or not have, a personal ad somewhere.
POZ Personals - #1 HIV AIDS Dating Site - Find a Date
Try to stay open. There are no support groups, no social activities with other positive people out here; there are no retreats that those of us who are low-income can afford. We as gay folk ignore our possible candidates for dating in this group. Most of us got HIV doing the same thing you did last weekend — bar-hopping, feeling good, going home with the stud in a muscle shirt, and fucking all night.
I do bloodwork every three months. When I do, I do a full-range test for a list of sexually transmitted infections. Most poz guys I know do this. HIV forces you to do this, and in the process we often find kinks we never knew we had, fantasies we never knew we wanted fulfilled. For a period, I was transmittable. For the months before I started my medication, I could infect my partners. The doctors demanded I do many things: They told me to use condoms no matter what. The responsibility came upon me to make these choices.
I had to have the talk before sex. It was hard, but I got better at it. Those early months without meds were filled with refusal, cruelty, and hurt. Sex becomes something you can play with. We automatically bring something to the sheets that our partners have to reckon with, so if you have a bizarre fetish or fantasy you want to try, bring it on. HIV care is filled with communication tasks like this — dialogues between doctor and patient, patient and pharmacist.
Are you a mountain climber? We can do that.
We can do that too. There are incredible athletes and gym rats with HIV. A recent survey showed that the average person has 7. Gay men are masters of sex — quick and casual, passionate and intense, friendly and fraternal. It only takes one sex experience to get HIV — one slip-up, one wild night.
Because the process of getting treatment and taking care of yourself after learning your status is a crash course in current healthcare. TasP is a triumph of medical science helping those living with the virus. PrEP is a triumph of medical science preventing its spread to those who are negative. Truvada is currently the only drug approved for PrEP, although other drugs are being tested for it. It is a once-daily pill that prevents HIV transmission, regardless if your poz sex partner is detectable or undetectable, regardless of condom use, regardless of gender.
27 Reasons You Should Date an HIV-Positive Man Right Now
PrEP has changed the dating game. There are many gay men who are aware of their HIV-positive status and are not on medication. This past weekend in San Francisco, I met a gay man who is homeless and addicted to hard drugs. He survives through paid hookups arranged on Grindr, needle exchange programs, and selling on the street. Guys like him contribute to the spread of HIV, but to call them predatory, dangerous, and problematic is wrong and inadequate.
Some of the most vulnerable parts of our populace — addicts, homeless queer youth, sex workers — get demonized for HIV while they live in a culture that offers few ways for them to get help. For many, their goal is to simply survive, not infect others. Medication and prevention regimens like PrEP are the real ways we stop the spread. It also ignores the many healthy HIV-positive folks on treatment who are actively working to save our own. The imagery we have of AIDS patients from the the height of the epidemic are scarred into our collective memory.
We need to see and remember them, but we also need to acknowledge that today the appearance of HIV is different. HIV affects the young and old and everyone in between. Queer youth have greater risk of HIV infection than their straight counterparts, particularly if they live in remote places and lack support. They survived the worst of the plague, then caught it on a wild night out. Queer men of color do have higher risk of HIV infection, but the virus does not discriminate — we do.