But if you do, think about what you really want in the long term. As atheists, we would largely be ashamed to raise religious kids. Do you look forward to marrying a sane! Or will you regret it? Will you miss the Christian when he or she leaves your life? Are they truly one of a kind?
But the truest sort of love imaginable. If this is the case, well, weigh that against their religion.
We seem to weigh, today, truth more than happiness. This is one of the most defining characteristics of atheists today: Which matters to you? Are they necessarily contradicting? We are often materialists, often determinists. We are freethinkers, and often arrived at atheism by following the natural course of our own minds, despite the religious ideas floating around us.
You must question them. But it is up to you to at least get the most out of the experience; challenge their ideas, but also, challenge your own. No matter how much what they believe stuns you, shocks you, disgusts you, or pisses you off, count to 10, take a breath, and give them the benefit of the doubt that there is a reason they believe what they do.
We seem to weigh, frequently, truth more than happiness. Of truth and happiness, which matters to you? Are they necessarily conflicting? Which can you realistically attain? We atheists are often materialists, often determinists. Just very quickly, Richard, I promise you that my brother and I are very close. He has a constant wit that makes us all groan and roll our eyes. But I appreciate your words! Kate and Erik, good luck with your relationship. Religiously mixed relationships can work.
I have been married to a Christian for about 13 years now and we have two kids 10 and 5. They were satisfied that I sufficiently respected religious and conservative principles even though I was a liberal atheist. We have kind of learned not to argue about religion or politics. I have found it very interesting and participate in some ministries and meet for a weekly Christian small group.
I view it as simply a fascinating mind-set. He probably missed the formative years of religious indoctrination. He basically dropped his Santa Clause and what-ever god belief he might have picked up about a year ago. Our younger child is more susceptible for the religious indoctrination and we will have to wait and see how he turns out. Probably all a child needs, though, is one parent to be non-religious to enable the child to be able to have an open mind.
I say go for it. A mixed relationship can be a very interesting enjoyable experience where both people learn from each other… You will be living what the world at large needs to do. Find creative ways to make it work. I promise you that my brother and I are very close. Kate, thank goodness you cleared that up. We lived together before we got married, which was another hurdle that was difficult for my parents to digest, but I think that inevetably, it was the fear of the unknown. We have been married for a year now and it has been a very rewarding and challenging experience, one I have learned immensely from.
Your story was an encouragement. These two really seemed like a couple of jerks to start with. Are we supposed to celebrate that they merely learned to become decent human beings and not insult other beliefs? My closest friends in college were devout Christians. Of course, I choose not to associate with those type of assholes as in your post, regardless of what they believe.
How about all the people that accept others from the start? Most folks have to go through a growing up process to get to such a state. Maybe they believe marrying an atheist is a sin that will make their son go to hell.
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Given unjustified beliefs, people can believe terrible things with good intentions. I suppose you miss out on a lot of great people if you limit the dating pool to those who share your belief system. It demonstrates how pervasive religion is. I would hesitate to tell an atheist to leave a relationship like this, because the truth is the chance of finding someone compatible who happens to be an atheist is probably low. Lucky me, I did it. But love is always great, if it works, so more power to you both. If so, how does that figure into your relationship?
Do you believe in an afterlife? After reading this post, I decided to do a little experiment and asked my husband if he would still love me if I suddenly became an atheist. Would you still love him if his views changed? I wonder where this took place. Both parties did change, just not the way you might expect. Loving you and being comfortable living with you may be separate things for some people.
Well, after a long day on the frigid ski slopes, I will attempt to answer the two basic questions it seems people have for me. I know they really like Kate, but struggle with how to express what they believe the Bible says about evangelizing. I try to make the best of every situation that comes up with my family, but ultimately I will decide what is best for me based on my own criteria and not theirs. Hemant, thanks for the the work you put in to listening to our story and writing this article.
I’m Falling in Love with an Atheist
The bit about being a more spiritual atheist is comical. I personally think this whole thing is made up. Someone who wants everyone to get along put this little story together. Talk about desperate, The reality is if they were reasonable they would stop believing in Sky-God tm. And we can vote! Oh the horror of freedom and liberty!!!
Thanks for answering him with lightness and grace, it expresses well, I think, why you get along so well with your gal. Sorry your parents are kind of jerks about this. Actually, sorry society is kind of jerkish about this stuff. You seem to have the right makeup to get past that… good for you!
Erik-I am a follower of Jesus Christ and I was just wondering what your thoughts are on 2 Corinthians 6: This was like reading my life story. I am an atheist and my girlfriend is christian. The way the parents acted was very simaler to my situation. Glad to see that others are on the same path. AnneMarie — When I first read that passage, I burst into tears. As in, a public university. Which made it all the more shameful for the banner to be hung. It actually got approval!!! A high school project inspired him to explore various faiths. He even did the entire month of Ramadan.
He really liked the Quakers and still attends meetings in Boston. Linda — the question you asked your husband is an interesting one. And if they do…well, what happens then?! Would the other person still love the one who changed? Bart — do I believe in an afterlife? Jeff — thanks for the encouragement! I am a Christian and I am very happy for you guys! I dated a guy when I was in highschool that was a very serious atheist and it was hard and we did not make it to marriage sadly even though we were engaged. I want to commend the two of you because it takes so much dedication and backing from both sides and I remember people treating me differently when they learned that my fiance was an atheist and how people just acted like it was horrible.
How many people would ostracize the guy that I loved because he was not their ideal and I still love him very much and always will.
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May you both be richly blessed! Thanks for reminding me of the love of my life! Would anyone know of any website links of some kind that might have similar stories athiest and christian relationships — I, and at a guess a good few other people out there would love to know about it — if anything like that exists on the web…..?
Well…This story was extremely inspiring. I wish I would have read this entry a long time ago. My name is Anthony and I am an atheist however my girlfriend Amanda is christian. I would like to leave a slight story of my own but it will be shorter then the one that was written. If anyone cares to read please feel free to ask me any question or offer any opinions and send to my email.
I was raised in a fairly non-religious home. My mother and father do believe in the existence of god, and have always said thing that have referred to the existence of heaven or god. As I got older the answer to those questions became more and more complex and vague. I became very interested in things like science, biology and the reason for life. The quest of proof had lead me down a path of atheism.
The only comfort that I had on the subject was my best friend Mike. He never bashed Christianity or any other religion or belief for that matter. So I became very comfortable and confident in what I believed. Around 15 years old I was faced with my first challenge. I was presented with the gift of being my nieces god father by my older sister. For days it racked my brain on how that would work being atheist. I even went to the little practice run that you do before the actual baptism.
Many things crossed my mind. Was I lying to myself accepting this gift under the eyes of god with no faith? Was I lying to my sister? The night before the baptism I sat in my room crying fearing what I should do. I gathered all the courage I could and gathered my family in the kitchen. After that, the family was very accepting, understanding and even curious about it. I found myself telling people that I was atheist right away so they could go ahead and decide whether or not they were going to talk to me. July 19th of I met Amanda. I had actually met her in a chat room.
I showed her that I was interested and she expressed the same. The moment that I realized she was interested, I blurted out that I was atheist. She continued her interest in me. Soon after, we began dating each other. We have had our hours of religion conversations almost trying to contradict every thing each other has said. But I can say it always came down to one thing in the end… I love her and she loves me.
Well today religion came into conversation, and we started discussing how it would work if we decided to get married. That is how I came across this wonderful story. Something that we can both relate to, but will still not stray too far from either of our beliefs. So please, any Ideas please feel free to contact me. I already forgive you. I loved this…I have been married to my Atheist for almost years. We have two children and we love each other fiercly.
Well done Kate and Erik. I hope after the posting of this…since it was so long ago…that the two of you are still doing well. My daughter is a Christian non denominational as am I. She is 16 and her and her atheist boyfriend are pretty serious about their future together. I have accepted this boy, never with judgment.. I do not preach to him and never will unless he sincerely asks. Belonging to Christ is a personal decision. My daughter is very firm in her Christian faith. I actually do not force church on my kids and I expose my kids to various religions.
In this situation, I accept and love her boyfriend…whereas his dad found out I was a Christian via my myspace page…within days, the boy was forbidden from coming into my home, citing that I was a bad Mother because of my Christian beliefs and I should be boarded off to a mental institution for believing in God. What is really interesting is that, I allowed my daughter to go to his home for a year times a week , knowing that she was entering a strongly atheist home.
So, just wanted to point out that religious bigotry should not be blamed on fundamental Christianity exclusively. Hi Marcia, Yes, you are right. Bitter, bigoted people come in all brands, just as open-hearted, fair-minded people come in all brands. Life is tough enough for young couples without having to deal with Capulet-Montague hatreds tearing them apart.
Even more well matched people tend to grow in different directions when starting so early. Whether together or parted, I hope they retain their open and accepting natures. I have some questions to those Christians out there dating or in wedlock with atheists or have other religious beliefs entering the picture. I am a Christian myself, my boyfriend is a Gnostic. We love each other very much, but I have some serious fears about continuing in our relationship. However, I fear that I myself might get a problem eventually if I start connecting more to my Christian friends and family than I do to him.
Does this make sense? A big thank for opening such a warm and friendly site, it is so nice to know there are friendly Atheists too! Afraid the judgmental experiences go both way, had so many hurtful insults comments through the years. Yes, it can be lonely because I trust my feelings. I have had to re-learn much of my approach and expectations in relationships. However I excpect that even in relationships where both parties believe the same things…this is probably normal.
I had to get over my fear of his rejection. Those moments are personal and I have and am continuing to learn to be okay with them just being mine. I could see a happy future…even if it was hard work…. Thank you so much for your reply. I think you hit the nail when you mention the fear of rejection. I struggle to see how he could possibly wish to discuss and talk deeply and exploratively about these things with me, even though he says he does. I just fear that we will come to a point where there will be a very clear cleft between us. And what about the day when we get older, and I have to get up every day with my faith that he will not be there with me after this life.
I am an atheist and my boyfriend is a Christian. We have been struggling with this a lot lately. Is there something I can say to him that will help? I love and respect his faith. It makes him who he is! I suggest that you show your boyfriend what you have written here. You have expressed it all very well. Wherever your relationship goes, the essential thing is that both of you must be true to yourselves, and respect that the other must be true to themselves as well. Only then would you have any chance to be true to each other.
But if even then, the differences cannot be reconciled, the gaps cannot be bridged, then because of that same truthfulness you will both know that you were both honorable and fair with each other, that neither was false or insincere. From that, both of you can move on, and heal, and in time find partners who are more fitting.
Even though you did not end up together, you both will be better off for having been together for a while. The Star-Crossed Lovers is the oldest tale. It has been lived and told, lived and re-told over and over for hundreds of centuries. We never tire of telling it, never tire of hearing it, but we never seem to learn from it.
We keep on living it, one more time. Young people seem helpless in their love. Their hearts and heads do not connect. They would not have any hope for other couples in just such a predicament, but they cling to their own dreams of somehow, somehow, somehow…. Their love is beautiful in its foolishness, whether it is the blithe ignorance or the stubborn defiance of the unlikeliness of what they desire. Such sad beauty is the stuff of poems and songs.
I praise and thank all foolish lovers, whether they stay together or not, for their quintessential humanity. Thank you for sharing Jainy, and thank you Richard for that grain of truth that made my day. I have been giving this some thought now. To have a faith, any faith, is like being in a room. And to take on a new faith is like stepping through a door and standing in a different room. If you are two people with different beliefs you are essentially standing in two different rooms. Even those who share the same religious affiliation do not necessarily share the same opinions on important issues.
So the assumption that two people must share the same religion to really understand each other is flawed. In our case, it has been the opposite. Despite our different religions, we share a common understanding of God, and what belief means in our day-to-day lives. We are very lucky in that both of our families love and accept us. We know this is rare. We speak with couples all the time about their struggles, and the pushback they get from family and friends. In the end, those who make it work choose each other over all else.
What about the kids? Our philosophy on this comes from something the Buddha said. To this point, we want to give our three young sons depth. We aim to give them the tools any believer needs to practice their faith, so we pray together, sing songs, meditate, read and reflect on sacred texts. We do this together at home and in churches and other places of worship, near and far. But depth is not the only goal we have for our children. We want to help them become religiously literate citizens, giving them breadth as well.
So, we read the Bible and the Ramayana. We sing gospels and chant mantras.
Atheist dating a Christian - How does that work? - Off-Topic Discussion - GameSpot
We talk about the Buddha and tell folk religion origin stories. We build sukkahs and release our clay Ganeshas into the ocean. We decorate our Christmas tree and light our menorah. We talk about peace, justice, compassion, generosity and God — referencing religions far beyond our own, across time, distance, and culture. Despite all this, some people still ask us, exasperated: Say you were traveling down a path, and that path forked at one point. Would you tell me that whoever made the path was cruel and horrible for allowing a path to form that possibly lead to death, and yet still walk that path?
But one is clearly wiser than the other. God never sends people to hell, they send themselves there through their own sins. Evil is the absence of good. Another example might make more sense. A hole is just the absence of dirt. Here is a really good article that I just found that explains this better: So we have the choice to accept good or reject it evil.
But God is holy, therefore he cannot dwell with sin, the sin in us separates us from God. But Jesus paid our fine, clearing our record before the judge, so now we are free from our debt and we can be with God. And it creeps me out. God made the rules, right? So he died temporarily, nothing like eternal torment to appease god, because Jesus is god, right?
I figure if you are omnipotent, eternal judge of everything, you get to take the blame for everything, bad or good. All that exists is this world and how we treat other people. How did I say that bad things are ok? Who makes the rules? Who defines right and wrong, justice and injustice?
Also, how does God take the blame for everything? A sin is just a word for anything bad that anyone does. Even stealing a pencil in junior high is wrong. God originally created everything perfect, but when Adam and Eve sinned, their sin reverberated throughout all of their descendants us.
There has to be justice, it would be wrong for God to give someone a free pass after sinning, they have to pay for the wrong things they do. Sin can only be paid for through the shedding of blood, so God sent Jesus. I cannot save myself from that.
What happens when you fall in love across the religious divide?
God created us able to sin and then condemns us for it. You praying for me comes across as condescending. If god has a plan for everything, why do you think you can pray for something to change? So you are ok with rape, murder and killing everyone on the planet except one family if god says so. All of that happened in the old testament. And yet, god wants to condemn you for thought crime? I pray for my own heart, as well as for the hearts of others.
My prayer for you is that God will reveal himself to you, would you be willing to ask God for that yourself? God said that he regretted creating man. Not in the sense that he made a mistake, but in the sense that he was sorrowful that they had fallen so far. But once again, sin and and evil are still around and once again, this is the human condition, why we need Jesus.
There are so many sad, terrible things that are chronicled in the Bible, all of which are meant for us to learn from the mistakes of others. There is condemnation for those who violate women. When the nation of Israel was entering the Promised Land, they did attack and kill the nations that were living there at the time.
But think about this: God created the whole world, and so it was his land to do with as he pleased. I have a toy robot, and I let one of my friends use it for a little while. But when my best friend comes along, I want to let her use the robot. It is destructive because it causes us to be greedy, discontent, and willing to do whatever it takes to have what we desire, mostly relating to stealing.
Coveting is the beginning of a vicious cycle that leads to more serious sins. Thoughts lead to actions, and by having self-control a fruit of the Holy-Spirit and controlling our thoughts, we can better control our actions. Religion has already revealed itself to me. A god like that is awful. I wish I had back all the years I spent believing in that nonsense. God could have done it another way had he chosen to. We see the world with a jaded view, God sees the whole picture, he has a holistic view of our world.
He can do anything, but there are some things that he just chooses not to do. Here is another fantastic article that explains why God allows evil to occur: You still have the choice to obey your parents and not eat the cookie, but they gave you the ability the disobey. But because the temptation is there, you can choose to obey, and it will mean much more. God always gives an answer, sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes wait. I may have started out an impressionable child, but I am growing into a strong woman of faith.
Because if you spoon-feed them their whole lives without making them find the truth of their own volition, they will question their faith and then feel lied to when they are unable to properly interpret scripture. They make sweeping statements, leading to rebelling against the faith they were raised in.
Are you saying that only weak, desperate people want religion? I can pray to my cat and get the same result. Please keep in mind that there is another real person with thoughts, feelings and emotions on the other side of the screen. Snarky, derogatory, slighting, and mean spirited sarcastic comments can be hurtful. Signing off for now,. I agree with Becca. She did nothing to deserve these words from you. I am praying for you. Becca, just that you have been found in Him is commendable. Sometimes the conversation just has to end.
Let Him do the heart changing. Will praying to your cat save someone with terminal cancer? No, but God has and God sometimes will do that. Your cat is powerless but our God is sovereign and more powerful than anyone or anything. Adam and Eve chose against that by sinning. We too can choose whether to be lost in the cycle of sin OR to be made holy by a God who loves us. Freedom can only be found in a good God. But there is most definitely an appeal to do what we want.
I am so sorry you have seen the church — something God intended to be different — as something horrible. Christians mess up, too, but we are being changed. I was a God-hater, too, until God revealed His lovingkindness to me in Christ Jesus paying the penalty for my sin so I might be set free from being a slave to my own selfish passions and might become His beloved, adopted daughter.
This is a bit off topic, but would you be bold enough to ask God to reveal Himself to you if He really is real? Hi, everyone else pretty much covered what I would say but I wanted to thank you for your comment! More Christians need to explain to the kids on why it is so important that their mate be equally yoked with them. I like how the article is very expressive over the idea. But there are things contradicting I believe. Christ himself was the one who made friends and brought followers by first accepting as who they are.
Also as a person who read the bible in order, from what I concluded where God asks — many times — not to be with people who are not believers during the time people are not confident of their beliefs. We all remember in most common example, in exodus after all their prayers answered by their God against Egyptians, they still worshipped to a golden statue. I think the actual standing point is, how confident you are in your beliefs. Are you challenging this precious person to understand you more? I am converted to Christianity unlike many of you who born into family of christians. I was born into Islam, gave up, stood as Theist several years, during my questions and seeing changes Christ made in my family, I decided to understand.
I started reading the bible then, was hard i must say. There are many things to judge with mind free of religions. In a crude explanation, I found the opinion of Atheism very Shallow here. If we keep classify people as Atheist and stay away from them, how can we follow actual example of Christ. Atheism is denial of God, due to not seeing his presence. Not giving a chance to understand it. People are not like in movies. Villains and heroes do not exist. Also what is love?
- An Atheist and a Christian: A Love Story.
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Can it be shaped? Can it be directed? Love is something makes us human. There is no limits of it. But Marriage is sexual relationship and construction of family as described in bible. There were no white dressed, flower background, priest acceptance wedding. When you have the responsibility of a family, then you start to shape your life according to your beliefs. Also at this point, life of christ will be noticed as the most secure way of keeping your family together.
Atheism is the absence of God. But God brings peace. Human created things have limits. I wanted him to trust Christ, of course, I tried to persuade him, I talked to him a lot about God, and I even gave him a Bible.
A part of me wanted to be with him, so he had to become a Christian; the other part of me was really concerned about his eternal destiny. He was there just to give them what they needed, when they needed it, he was there to serve; but he was not expecting to hear their wisdom, or to receive something from them. I, wanted to be accepted and loved by this guy, I wanted to listen to him, to understand him, though I wanted to help him I was in a vulnerable position. And the flesh is weak. The Lord convinced me that I had to flee. And run to the arms of Jesus.
Make Him your shelter, swim in His precious Word, and pray the Psalm You cannot do it yourself; I always think that when a girl is in love there is no human power able to change her feelings, so you need supernatural power, ask Him to guide you, strengthen you, to give you love for Him, to make you thirsty of His Word. And if I do date, I want it to be God-honoring. Or will it be the opposite?
Also, is having a dating relationship in high school wise at all? I hope it helps and makes sense…. I call them so-called but not really Christians. Once you get to know them, you can clearly tell that their faith is real. The Bible is very clear on the role men have compared to women. Men are the spiritual leaders in the relationship.
Women are submissive to their leadership. It could slow you down from pursuing God even more. The only one that can change the heart of a person is God Ezekiel Willing entering into these kinds of relationships will bring about more pain than you know. Especially, if you are considering marriage with an unbeliever. Jesus never promises sunshine and lollipops when we enter into a relationship with him, but the reward will be sweeter than anything we can imagine. I pray that the young women of today who know Jesus Christ will seek out godly wisdom from someone in their church when they are facing the struggles that come their way.
You gave her sound advice I wish I heard a long time ago! How do I know? Because I been there. To this young lady, I say sister wait for God to bring you the One He has for you. Once you divorce him, you should remain as you are. There are many single Godly men waiting for someone like you if you trust Him simply and foremost! I married an unbeliever just six or so months after getting saved. The Holy Spirit I could feel was telling me not to go that path, but I did not listen and he was right. He showed me that it would pull me down spiritually and that I was not strong enough.
I definitely did not see how far I drifted away from God and started loving the world. Years after we got married I started to Pursue God after not for a while. So much conflict in the family and lots of mockery. I never in my wildest dreams thought that my heart would turn from God, but it did.
And so now we are divorced and everything that I attained from that marriage is completely gone except for my precious daughters. Yeah I would run from that situation as quick as you can. Pray the Lord would graciously give you more passion to follow him with your whole heart…. I heard a pastor recently talk about God turning our mess into our message.
Thanks for this encouraging message. Yes I do struggle with that very thing allot, and he is using me already to warn my sisters. I am so thankful he is so good to do the things we are so incapable of doing. Blessings to you and your ministry! I love reading your blogs.
She must have doubts, because she emailed you. I was stupidly seeing an unbeliever many years ago, and what put me in a non-thinking frame of mind was his persistence in pursuing me and always flattering me. I knew what his intentions were, and I foolishly went along with it for awhile. The bucket of ice water came big time—you could say I had an epiphany—and I dropped the guy friend. It was really awkward because he lived near my apartment. God in His mercy, had another plan for me.
I repented of seeing this guy and I told my best friend of the relationship. The guy moved out of state and I met an incredible godly man the following year. We have been married for over ten years. G-E-T a life and flee! I think I also needed this. My efforts have evidently been very futile. Oh, Tumi, I am so, so glad to hear that.
Praying for you now! Feel free to let me know how it goes. People should be free to love who they feelost happy with. Even though we had different views, she cared for me deeply. I have to disagree with this whole article. When my ex boyfriend and i started dating I was die-hard pagan and he is a very strong Christian man.
I lost my faith as a teenager during an extremely difficult battle with depression and swore that I would never be Christian again. During my relationship with my boyfriend I was very honest with my beliefs, just as he was with his. He never pushed me to change my beliefs, but he did show me how God worked in his life daily and spoke about God like they were best friends.
He was very patient and waited for me to suggest that we go to church. This man took my hand and led me back to God just by his actions, without preaching or pushing. I am still growing in my walk with God, and have regular stumbles, but, if a Christian man had ran from me when he found out I was pagan, I would still be pagan. God puts us in peoples lives for a reason. This young lady should speak with God and listen to what He has to say.
It may be her job to help this man find God, it may not. That if for her to discuss with God. I think God will lead in different circumstances. This may be a case of temptation or it could be God putting her in the right place at the right time to bring someone else to him. We have no way of knowing. Thanks for sharing your story. His grace is never limited. I am in a somewhat similar position, a guy I met through work has been intensely pursuing me since we met.
I kept refusing because he is not a christian but finally I gave in and we have been dating for a few months. However I told him we could never be serious because he is not a christian so he said he is willing to try going to church. I just wondered if this is worth it because he pursues me so intently but I wonder, Would God allow an unsaved man to be so interested in me?! I have a close friend whose boyfriend pursued her intently and started going to church with her. For your sake, I want to plead with you to call it off with him. I loved this article!
I think people have mixed feelings about this article and might even misunderstand it. I totally get where you are coming from. My youth group began playing ultimate Frisbee as a way to get the youth and other unsaved teens and young adults to interact. We would talk about God and invite the lost to come to church. He began showing an interest in me.
In my head, I thought that I could change him. He continued with his old ways. I was left broken and he never got saved.